In my experience, the main reason that people lie is to escape punishment. Children learn this skill at a young age. The first time Avery ever lied to me, she was about three years old. The most severe punishment that I doled out at that time were time outs. Once I caught her in the lie, I had to teach her the wrongness of lying and that sometimes it was harder to tell the truth but the punishment would always be less severe.
Recently, Avery has been coming home from school with cuts on her new clothes that were obviously made by scissors. I don't know about you but this really bothers me. Clothes are not cheap! Each time Avery is questioned about this, she says that someone in her class did it but she wasn't sure who it was. Today we had a breakthrough and figured out the culprit.
While I am at work, Mike is left to do the housework, cooking and homework and deal with whatever the latest drama in Avery's world is. He does it well and I love him for it. Today he called me at work to tell me that I should get in touch with Avery's teacher because her new shirt had been cut and this was getting ridiculous. When he had questioned her about the culprit, she stated to him that she didn't know who it was. Maybe it was Andrew, or Aiden or ever Ava.
I told him to put her on the phone and I asked her the same questions Mike did. She gave me the same answers but this time when she started naming children I said "Are you sure? Remember to be honest because whoever is doing this is going to be getting into trouble. I am calling your school tomorrow." I also reminded her that she gets in less trouble when she tells the truth.
That is when the tears started and she informed me that she was scared. I asked her why she was scared and she said that she didn't want to get in trouble. She then admitted that she had cut her shirt. So now I am left with a few things to think about.
1. She told me the truth after being reminded about honesty and that other children would get into trouble. So how can I punish her for lying when she told the truth....even though she maintained her lie for several minutes.
2. She cut her clothes but she admitted it. How do I punish her for this while still rewarding her honesty.
3. I don't want to come down too hard on her so that next time, she may be more comfortable coming to us with the truth.
If we punish our children for lying after the admit to the truth, we are not teaching them about honesty. If they are honest right up front, the punishment should reflect that.
We have been giving Avery an allowance based on the chores she does each week. After telling me the truth, I thanked her for being honest and told her that we would talk more when I got home from work. When I get home, I plan on taking the $2.50 she has stashed in her room, from her allowance, to pay for the ruined shirt. This may not seem like much to an adult but to her this will be a big deal. I plan on talking to her again about lying and telling the truth and hopefully then she will see the light. I feel that these are the right decisions and that she will learn her lesson.....hopefully I am right!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
How Much Is Too Much...Talking To Our Little Ones About Sex
Over the past year, the questions from my daughter have become more sex oriented. I am not concerned about her asking but I take my choice of answers very seriously. I realize that she is a growing girl. Think about it...she is in first grade and there are girls in her school that have those coveted things that she has learned are called breasts!!! How did they get them and when will she get them?
She has also been exposed to other children out on the playground and while out playing with the neighbourhood kids, and she has heard some of these kids swear and talk about things that are a little too mature for her little ears. We had an incident a while back where a friend's son made her take her pants off and he took his off. That was all that happened but it definately brought about the aspect of privacy.
As she grows, the questions are only going to become more intimate and harder to answer. On one hand, I don't want to blow her off....I want to her to always feel comfortable coming to me for answers, especially as she gets into her teens! On the other hand, I believe that there are a lot of things that she is too young to know!
I decided to go online and look up some books for kids that covers some of the topics that have come up. I ordered 2 different books from amazon.com that were recommended for children 4 and up. One covers the topic of our bodies and how boys and girls are different. It covers good touches and bad touches and keeping things private. The other book covers pregnancy and babies.
Before showing them to Avery, I took a look through the books and was amazed at what the publishers deemed appropriate for 4 year olds. The majority of the content in each book was excellent but both books covered the topic of intercourse! One even goes as far as to show a funny little cartoon of a man and women with tangled limbs kissing in a bed, followed by a cartoon of an egg and a bunch of sperm!
In my opinion, this is way too much information. I would think that something like would increase the childs curiousity from simple questions to more advanced ones. I now only bring the books out when Avery asks to see them or asks a question. She is learning to read and I do not want to answer the questions about intimacy....not to a 5 year old anyways!
Avery has had some of her questions aswered from the books. She knows the proper names for all of the parts of her body. She knows how a fetus grows in the womb and just recently she asked where a baby comes from. I told her that a baby comes from a womans "front bum" ( her words) and sometimes has the baby cut out from her tummy ( how she was born ). She easily accepted these facts and went on her way. I think that the "experts" are wrong when they say that we should give all of this information to our wee ones. The less they know as young ones, the longer that they will stay innocent. If you answer the questions truthfully and with just enough information to sastisfy their curiousity, they will be well informed and comfortable coming to you to ask more. To me, that is what is most important. This generation of teenagers are more sexual than any previous generation. This is because we are so liberal and sex is EVERYWHERE! Let's keep our kids pure for as long as we can!!!
She has also been exposed to other children out on the playground and while out playing with the neighbourhood kids, and she has heard some of these kids swear and talk about things that are a little too mature for her little ears. We had an incident a while back where a friend's son made her take her pants off and he took his off. That was all that happened but it definately brought about the aspect of privacy.
As she grows, the questions are only going to become more intimate and harder to answer. On one hand, I don't want to blow her off....I want to her to always feel comfortable coming to me for answers, especially as she gets into her teens! On the other hand, I believe that there are a lot of things that she is too young to know!
I decided to go online and look up some books for kids that covers some of the topics that have come up. I ordered 2 different books from amazon.com that were recommended for children 4 and up. One covers the topic of our bodies and how boys and girls are different. It covers good touches and bad touches and keeping things private. The other book covers pregnancy and babies.
Before showing them to Avery, I took a look through the books and was amazed at what the publishers deemed appropriate for 4 year olds. The majority of the content in each book was excellent but both books covered the topic of intercourse! One even goes as far as to show a funny little cartoon of a man and women with tangled limbs kissing in a bed, followed by a cartoon of an egg and a bunch of sperm!
In my opinion, this is way too much information. I would think that something like would increase the childs curiousity from simple questions to more advanced ones. I now only bring the books out when Avery asks to see them or asks a question. She is learning to read and I do not want to answer the questions about intimacy....not to a 5 year old anyways!
Avery has had some of her questions aswered from the books. She knows the proper names for all of the parts of her body. She knows how a fetus grows in the womb and just recently she asked where a baby comes from. I told her that a baby comes from a womans "front bum" ( her words) and sometimes has the baby cut out from her tummy ( how she was born ). She easily accepted these facts and went on her way. I think that the "experts" are wrong when they say that we should give all of this information to our wee ones. The less they know as young ones, the longer that they will stay innocent. If you answer the questions truthfully and with just enough information to sastisfy their curiousity, they will be well informed and comfortable coming to you to ask more. To me, that is what is most important. This generation of teenagers are more sexual than any previous generation. This is because we are so liberal and sex is EVERYWHERE! Let's keep our kids pure for as long as we can!!!
Good Mom, Bad Mom
My daughter, Avery, is the reason that I get up every morning. She is 5 years old and one of the funniest kids I know. I am glad that I have waited to have more kids because it has given me a chance to really get to know her as the little person that she has turned out to be.
There are many times when she can truly drive me crazy but I think that is quite normal. It breaks my heart to see her upset and although I have to do it once in a while, I hate to punish her. There have been many times over the last couple of years that I worry that I am not making the right choices. I am fortunate to have a hubby that consults me when punishment needs to be doled out. We often discuss what we should do before punishing her.
There are some mistakes that I know that I have made. The main one is that I joke with her far to often. I am a quick witted person and sarcastic by nature. I joke around with and tease Avery constantly. In one sense I think this has made her a stronger person. In another sense, I think it may have been the wrong way to go about things at times. Avery has a hilarious sense of humor and is capable of coming back with some pretty quick and funny comebacks, but as a 5 year old, she sometimes doesn't know when it is appropriate to joke and when it is not. This is my fault. The newest feat that I am trying to accomplish is teaching Avery when it is impolite to tease and when it is ok. Wish me luck on this one!
I think with this blog, I will just write daily little quips of what my parenting experience was like, and I hope to get some feedback and comments on my musings. If you are a parent, please stay tuned. I would love your opinions and support in this battle we all call parenthood!
There are many times when she can truly drive me crazy but I think that is quite normal. It breaks my heart to see her upset and although I have to do it once in a while, I hate to punish her. There have been many times over the last couple of years that I worry that I am not making the right choices. I am fortunate to have a hubby that consults me when punishment needs to be doled out. We often discuss what we should do before punishing her.
There are some mistakes that I know that I have made. The main one is that I joke with her far to often. I am a quick witted person and sarcastic by nature. I joke around with and tease Avery constantly. In one sense I think this has made her a stronger person. In another sense, I think it may have been the wrong way to go about things at times. Avery has a hilarious sense of humor and is capable of coming back with some pretty quick and funny comebacks, but as a 5 year old, she sometimes doesn't know when it is appropriate to joke and when it is not. This is my fault. The newest feat that I am trying to accomplish is teaching Avery when it is impolite to tease and when it is ok. Wish me luck on this one!
I think with this blog, I will just write daily little quips of what my parenting experience was like, and I hope to get some feedback and comments on my musings. If you are a parent, please stay tuned. I would love your opinions and support in this battle we all call parenthood!
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